2018

I had some things to get off my chest.

Into Oblivion

Your nails dig into my hand as we press forward. I stare at you, you stare out the window.
The flames rise up into the sky, black smoke billows like silk flung to the clouds. Your sense of wonder quiets the tectonic roar of existence clawing at its own seams.
You haven't smiled like this in years.
I've never felt so at peace.

Dissociate

Another sickening crunch, another step forward into nothing.
My hands tremble with the cold and I scowl at my weakness.
The wind and snow tear at my cheeks and I grimace.
My eyes water and I snarl at my impotence,
Aghast,
To be vulnerable,
Forever swinging swords against foes imagined,
In the futile search for what was always within my grasp.
Another desperate crunch.
Another step forward into nothing.

Defeated

Our darkest moment bares its teeth in a snarl, its hackles raised and hot breath insufferable.
Our traumatised bodies cling to each other. We force our broken, misshapen fingers together.
Devoured, we are inseparable.
There are no goodbyes at the bitter end.

Eye

Tired lungs grasp at another defeated breath and drag it screaming down my throat. I try to ignore its fingernails tearing at my tongue, and the mutual resentment between us.

I forget to count the hours or days. Awake in the dark, awake in the light.

Like perverts lust after bodies, my hours are a fantasy of restful sleep. I run my fingers over the jagged edges of my brain and take hostage another breath. The ticking of the clock sounds like the marching of boots, come to kick down my door and take me to the firing squad.

I release my hostage and wait for the shot.